1. |
The Way The Devil Is
03:18
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You're so fucking cool
And I bet you knew
Every girl that's at this party tried to get with you
You'll just get higher
You goddamn liar
Yeah go for broke
I want to watch you choke
It's better sleeping with a demon than to sell your own soul
Worship the devil
You're so fucking metal
The hardest of the hardcore
Tell me what you bleed for
You're always gonna want more
When you've got the whole store
Playing with your black book
Never was a good look
Stare the devil in his eyes
Yeah did you know they're mine
You want to think you're bad
But you're just like your dad
Another fucking loser trying to deny he's sad
Come on take your hit
I know you're thinking it
Or are you just too scared
You'd rather be a little bitch
The devil didn't make you
And he wont fucking save you
You're just a fucking schizo
With a goofy fucking hairdo
I know my skeletons
I'm shaking hands with them
Hey shit-eater sister-beater
Where's your confidence
Tell me all your stupid plans
And all the things you want from them
And I'll strip them from your life
Yeah, I'm just that kind of guy
And I just want you to be scared
Cuz you assumed I wouldn't care
And that fuck ups on you
Now I've got something to prove
The hardest of the hardcore
Tell me what you bleed for
You're always gonna want more
When you've got the whole store
Playing with your black book
Never was a good look
Stare the devil in his eyes
Yeah did you know they're mine
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2. |
Fine
03:48
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You should try to be anything to anyone but me
You got high on my supply
And then burned out when you hit the ground
We all tried it then denied it
Let's find out what you're all about
Always blackout when you back out
What's the line? Tell us you're fine
Constant traction, lack of action
You'll unwind when you're out of time
You should try to be anything to anyone but me
Hide in your head
While you wait for the end
And you hope for the best
But you know what you'll get
It gets harder to fight
When you turn off the light
It takes falling apart
Just to get through the night
And I'll admit it stings
If you think that's what you need
If it's all the same to you
I'll just give up everything
You can blame it on the comedown
When you say that you won't stick around
If you don't want to be a let down
Then you should probably try to help us out
There's a chance that you won't be found
And if you were then would they let you out
It feels more natural with a dead sound
But there's no way that you could hear it now
Hide in your head
While you wait for the end
And you hope for the best
But you know what you'll get
It gets harder to fight
When you turn off the light
It takes falling apart
Just to get through the night
And I'll admit it stings
If you think that's what you need
If it's all the same to you
I'll just give up everything
When the world gets quiet
I just want a riot
It only gets more painful
When I try to hide it
Constant state of crisis
I'll attempt to fight it
But I just ate the fuse
Now I'll try to light it
Can't take it back now when you got what you asked for
And bleeding it out made a mess of the dance floor
And I don't want to be known
And I don't want to be your home
I've been over it lately
But I kind of hope that you still hate me
On account of how it won't phase me
When you make it known how much you're faking
In front of everyone
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3. |
Always Nothing
04:12
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Looks good
Feels real good
Telling everyone they never understood
There's a deep hole
Where your heart was
You taste the champagne
I only taste blood
How'd you know we all know about it
Take your pick and move on without it
Lift your head and try to hold tears back
Give me more and I'll cut you more slack
Every time
I try to feel
I feel like I'm nothing
In your eyes
I'd pull the plug to make you feel something
And it only hurts in good ways now
As you cut me from the inside out
If I think I find a faster way down
I'll tell the gemini to take a bow
I wanted to want it
But it's not my kind of thing
You could tell I started squirming
when you said it's gonna sting
And I've been hallowing the hollow
Dressing death up as a king
I'm always making out with martyrs
just to see what luck it brings
And if I loved you
Then I would love to
Follow every fucking order like I always do
Cuz it's so like you
Expecting me to
Keep indulging in a hemorrhage of this magnitude
Every time
I try to feel
I feel like I'm nothing
In your eyes
I'd pull the plug to make you feel something
And it only hurts in good ways now
As you cut me from the inside out
If I think I find a faster way down
I'll tell the gemini to take a bow
I leave my fate in strangers' hands
If they're really watching
Then they'll understand
Scrub my brain then scrub again
Thinking how many times can I face my end
Talk about a great gig
Living for the right dig
Willing to get real sick
Even just to taste it
Violently collapsing
Subtly relapsing
Opening a deep wound
Just so we can make it
I'm saying…
Duplicate the sharpest pain
And save that shit inside your brain
With vomit like a hurricane
Your mouth won't ever feel the same
Every time
I try to feel
I feel like I'm nothing
In your eyes
I'd pull the plug to make you feel something
And it only hurts in good ways now
As you cut me from the inside out
If I think I find a faster way down
I'll tell the gemini to take a bow
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4. |
Influenced
02:32
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Empty can
In my hand
I don't know
If I can stand
It's too late
To save face
I'm blacking out
I need a break
Can you hold me up please
Cuz my legs are so weak
If you wanna help me
Tell me why I'm shaking
Another fucking morning
Where I beat the sun at coming up
The problem with my drinking is
I always drink away my fucks
I'm always popping bottles
When I see you walk into the club
Cuz I don't have the patience for your bullshit
When I'm sobered up
Let's play 20 questions
Every question is the fucking same
I don't want to know you
But I feel like I should know your name
Don't think it's disrespectful
You're just easily forgettable
Like when you start to talk
I feel like I just ate an edible
Empty can
In my hand
I don't know
If I can stand
It's too late
To save face
I'm blacking out
I need a break
Can you hold me up please
Cuz my legs are so weak
If you wanna help me
Tell me why I'm shaking
Fire sale cuz you're broke full time
Need a rep so you flip some dimes
Lose your ass cuz a bitch can't count
Now you're broke, fucked, stupid
And you still can't rhyme
Hit a blunt that you're scared to light
Flex it up you've been posing all night
Snap a shot for your Instagram
So all 5 fans think you're doing alright
Empty can
In my hand
I don't know
If I can stand
It's too late
To save face
I'm blacking out
I need a break
Can you hold me up please
Cuz my legs are so weak
If you wanna help me
Tell me why I'm shaking
I think I'm gonna quit today
And everyone will have to say
That I am really awesome
And they're really sad I've gone away
And then tomorrow I'll come back
And everyone will give me slack
About me making lazy crap
And I'll feel like I'm back on track
No one has to know that I'm a motherfucking narcissist
And if somebody calls me out
Then I'll bitch to my therapist
Cuz I'm not very talented
And words are kind of hard for me
I'm a "rapper" who can't write a diss
So I live on apologies
Empty can
In my hand
I don't know
If I can stand
It's too late
To save face
I'm blacking out
I need a break
Can you hold me up please
Cuz my legs are so weak
If you wanna help me
Tell me why I'm shaking
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5. |
O.F.G.F.
05:23
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You don't have to lie to me
You don't have to tell me that you love me
When you're cumming
You don't have to say you're over him
I can see you there above me
We're both just running from something
I can feel you pulsing
Silently convulsing
Wishing I was someone else
The one who was your everything
Know that you'll regret this
But goddamn you're so lonely
It probably makes it hurt less
That you don't even know me
Let me be your alibi
I want to be the reason why
Someone can't get sleep at night
I promise I'll be gone
If I think I start to hurt the vibe
You don't have to talk to me
I'll let it go if you need to sleep
Cuz you got secrets that you need to keep
But I just keep rethinking everything it ever meant to me
Our two bodies overlap
Your hand's running down my back
I can feel you're feeling it
And I know you don't give a shit
Tell me all the awful things
That you really think of me
I don't mind the hateful stuff
It's okay babe I like it rough
Every time I'm on the edge
This awful thought pops in my head
That even when I'm fucking you
I know that my life is a wreck
Let me say this so we're clear
That love's the hardest thing in here
And I just want the company
Cuz we're both humping out of fear
Let me be your alibi
I want to be the reason why
Someone can't get sleep at night
I promise I'll be gone
If I think I start to hurt the vibe
You don't have to talk to me
I'll let it go if you need to sleep
Cuz you got secrets that you need to keep
But I just keep rethinking everything it ever meant to me
If you won't kiss me I'll be leaving
Cuz you wont miss me or the feeling
Let me be your alibi
I want to be the reason why
Someone can't get sleep at night
I promise I'll be gone
If I think I start to hurt the vibe
You don't have to talk to me
I'll let it go if you need to sleep
Cuz you got secrets that you need to keep
But I just keep rethinking everything it ever meant to me
Touch me uncomfortably so I believe it
And I know he's got to be
the only reason you'll ever feel it
And I know he's got to be
the only reason you'll ever feel it
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6. |
Lovely Atrophy
04:22
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Copious amounts of narcotics
Seemed to be advanced when we caught it
Living life somewhere you can't find me
Looking into why they don't like me
Help me out
I'm feeling things
And I don't want to make a scene
But this room is full of mannequins
And I think they get inside my dreams
I feel every bruise that I have on my face
And I haven't touched my bed in eighty-six days
And I get a lot of texts hoping that I'm okay
But they've all stopped asking if they'll see me today
And I know you know it's getting worse
So thanks for calling off the search
Cause you wouldn't find me anyway
While I'm busy playing in the dirt
And I cannot remember what it's like
To fall asleep and stay asleep at night
I'm reminded every time I watch the sunrise
It's a new day but it's always still the same night
And I know I could do better with my mental health
But I'll never quite get better with no sense of self
Cause I been feeling like I'm living someone else's life
And the life that I've been living doesn't feel alright
I feel every bruise that I have on my face
And I haven't touched my bed in eighty-six days
And I get a lot of texts hoping that I'm okay
But they've all stopped asking if they'll see me today
And I know you know it's getting worse
So thanks for calling off the search
Cause you wouldn't find me anyway
While I'm busy playing in the dirt
They're always busy asking
What the pain feels like
And I'm always replying
Like choking through the night
Cause I don't want to let you down
Cause I don't want to let you down
I'm keeping my shit out of sight
Avoiding the light
Tell me I never do anything right
I'm checking the time
Give them the nines
It's never too early to leave for the night
I'm just too willing to die
And I'm so ready to lie
If you decide
That it's alright
Then I'll always be the one who keeps hurting your pride
Is hanging around
Getting you down
Alienating the friends that you found
Missing your shot
Staying to rot
Forgetting everything that you were taught
You know that everyone lies
I know that everyone dies
Beg me to keep this shit light
I'm focused on making it right
So I can close my eyes at night
I feel every bruise that I have on my face
And I haven't touched my bed in eighty-six days
And I get a lot of texts hoping that I'm okay
But they've all stopped asking if they'll see me today
And I know you know it's getting worse
So thanks for calling off the search
Cause you wouldn't find me anyway
While I'm busy playing in the dirt
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7. |
Snuff Film
02:17
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I'm fucking broken up into a million little shards
And they can cut a mother fucker
If that fucker thinks they're hard
And I don't want to hit the lean
That purple shit's too chill for me
I'd rather do some P.C.P. and hope you
One-Eight-Seven me
Cuz I'm still burying the lead
I'm talking blood
You're talking peace
Hey butter fingers drop the tea
I'll give you all the clout you need
You got the ro
You got it cheap
Your grind is capped
You need to sleep
You want a word
I'll give you three
Go fuck yourself
Don't fuck with
Me. You're fucking with a dead man
You're fucking with a dead man
You're fucking with a dead man
Loosest lips on the whole damn scene
Got a nice little crew in a crack-head's dream
Got the white Enzo and it looks so clean
While you cruise the strip hoping to get seen
You think you're running the game
I know you're fucking insane
It's hard to keep your shit together
When you're breathing cocaine
You want a spot on the throne?
I guess they'll throw you a bone
And you'll take a hand out
Instead of fail on your own
You're fucking with a dead man
You're fucking with a dead man
You're fucking with a dead man
Eat it, Eat it, Eat it, Eat it
Why don't you fucking eat it?
Why don't you fucking eat it?
Why don't you fucking eat it?
Why don't you fucking eat it?
You're fucking with a dead man
You're fucking with a dead man
You're fucking with a dead man
You're fucking with a dead man
You're fucking with a dead man
You're fucking with a dead man
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8. |
Tryhard
03:36
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Take a little time they said
To fix what's messed up in your head
I feel okay, time to come back
I don't know what you're staring at
When everyone I used to know
Just vanished in a cloud of smoke
I feel okay, I'm fine alone
I'll hit the stage and feel at home
Goddamn
This shit is my fucking jam
And I don't think you understand
That I just showed them all your hand
Man you sound smart
You're gonna go far
Hey, Mr. Tryhard
Could you do it if you dropped your guard
So you want to go toe-to-toe
Then at least give them a show
Cuz the people are pleading
For one more beating
With every punch I throw
Is your head spinning still
Just swallow that tough pill
Cuz while you're weighing options out
There's someone else who will
Do you feel the need to be
A person who is hard to reach
Or is it all because of me
Cuz I feel like I'm pulling teeth
My responsibility
Is tarnishing the equity
That you instilled in spite of me
To feel superiority
Reading off the side-effects now
I don't see how you're gonna get out
Goddamn
This shit is my fucking jam
And I don't think you understand
That I just showed them all your hand
Man you sound smart
You're gonna go far
Hey, Mr. Tryhard
Could you do it if you dropped your guard
You're so cool
You're the master
You won life you fucking bastard
And you do it without trying
But it's easy when you're lying
You're so cool
You're the master
You won life you lying bastard
And you did it without trying
Can you say that without crying
Burn
Goddamn
This shit is my fucking jam
And I don't think you understand
That I just showed them all your hand
Man you sound smart
You're gonna go far
Hey, Mr. Tryhard
Could you do it if you dropped your guard
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9. |
||||
You had a blood stain
On your right sleeve
And when i told you
You attacked me
And I'm not saying I'm not to blame
I'm just saying that it's a shame
Every time I think I get it right
I lose more and more sleep every night
I can take it but I'd rather not
I feel less alive
When I think of you
And I pretend you died
When you walked out the room
And I'm not gonna lie
And tell you everything's improved
Cuz i would rather die
Than let you try to kill me too
It's alright
It's alright
To tell me you don't think about me
It's alright
It's alright
To tell me you don't feel a fucking thing
Leaning on your empathy
Became too much a part of me
And I was busy holding out
For someone that I'd never be
So I stayed way too close to you
Because there's nothing I could do
I wanted to be better
But I'm only better without you
And I would let you choke me out
Just to prove the fucking point
That you could live without me
But oh goddamn
How hollow you've become
Every time you start to speak
You just remember that you're numb.
I feel less alive
When I think of you
And I pretend you died
When you walked out the room
And I'm not gonna lie
And tell you everything's improved
Cuz i would rather die
Than let you try to kill me too
It's alright
It's alright
To tell me you don't think about me
It's alright
It's alright
To tell me you don't feel a fucking thing
It's alright
It's alright
To not remember me
It's alright
It's alright
Take everything you need
It's alright
It's alright
I swear to god It's alright
You made me never want to love again
So I can hold on to this til the bitter end
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10. |
Moving Day
04:32
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I'll let you decide
If I seem alright
I'm just busy finding out
That we both hate our lives
I guess I'll let it die
For four years I've been high
And I've been sleeping on the couch
Cuz I'm just too fucked up to lie
Half-Assed
Whole-Heartedly
I keep making decisions
That I know will take a toll on me
And that's why
I'm gun-shy
You want to hear my story
But I'd rather just keep telling lies like
Oh, I'll tell the one where that place felt like home
And I'll tell the one where you weren't on your own
Cuz I'll always try to fabricate the truth
Instead of seeing what I put you through
Give me a day
To pack up and vacate
To get my clothes
And clear your space
While you tell yourself
That you're out of my way
Just stay upstairs
And hide your face
I understand
It must be hard
To change your mind
And raise your guard
But you're getting what you wanted
So stop acting like it broke your heart
People change
It's been a few years
I cut my hair
And shaved my beard
Cuz I thought you wanted me to grow up
And now I see that you weren't clear
But not talking about it
Won't make you look like a grownup
Now that I look back on it
You were running from shitting the bed like a fucking child
Half-Assed
Whole-Heartedly
I keep making decisions
That I know will take a toll on me
And that's why
I'm gun-shy
You want to hear my story
But I'd rather just keep telling lies like
Oh, I'll tell the one where that place felt like home
And I'll tell the one where you weren't all alone
Cuz I'll always try to fabricate the truth
Instead of seeing what I put you through
I'm moving
Half-Assed
Whole-Heartedly
I keep making decisions
That I know will take a toll on me
And that's why
I'm gun-shy
You want to hear my story
But I'd rather just keep telling lies like
Oh, I'll tell the one where that place felt like home
And I'll tell the one where you weren't on your own
Cuz I'll always try to fabricate the truth
Instead of seeing what I put you through
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11. |
Enough.
08:36
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We were unhappy
I was Unhappy
I was insecure
Angry
At everything
everyone
Myself
Her
I felt like the world owed me more
I felt like I owed myself more
I hated who I thought I was
And I directed that hate everyone around me
I was hard to live with
Probably still am to be honest
But bad things happen
Sometimes for no reason
And sometimes as a result of our own actions
I know what I caused
And I think I got what I deserved
I was angry about it for a long time
I felt abandoned
I never once thought about why people would leave in the first place
I just felt victimized
I held on to it
Became more toxic
Made everything worse for everyone around me
So they left
In reality I wasn't taking care of myself
I think it just got hard to watch
So when I started hurting people other than myself
That was it
I started drinking way too much
Made an ass out of myself regularly
Over and over again I'd wake up immediately filled with regret
From what I said or did the night before
And as I was doing this I was ignoring very real problems I was facing
I couldn't get to sleep sober or in my bed
I said it was because it smelled like her
But it really just reminded me too much of my fuck ups
I thought about that a lot
Still do
I had trouble living with myself
It was hard to sleep alone
So I started involving others in this cycle
I used strangers to feel better
I never did…
You know
Feel better
And it only caused more damage to everyone involved
I would see that
Hate myself more for it
And repeat the cycle
And then I was alone
The one thing I was terrified of
So when it's just you
It's hard to hide
It's hard to lie to yourself
There's no one around to blame
There's no one around to hate
Just you
I knew there was a lot that needed to change
I just never wanted to admit it
So I try to run from it one more time
And before I confronted it
Something pretty amazing happened
I started experiencing the world alone
And while trying to find where I'm supposed to end up
I started liking what I found
I met hundreds of people
Amazing, beautiful people
And they all had seen so much more
Than I could have imagined
I learned a lot
I learned that I wasn't alone in feeling this
I learned that we all feel these things
And I think we all kind of hate ourselves
But none of us deserve to feel that
When we tell eachother what what makes us so bad
The other person never sees it
That unforgivable nature we all think we harbour
Most people see the good with the bad
And it's up to us to decide what they see more of
And that's where I ended up
I realized that it was time to believe in something
I realized that I can stop this any time I want
I chose to let people down
I chose to alienate anyone who actually cared
and I don't want to do that anymore
I want to feel loved
but I'm going to have to prove that I'm worth loving
So, I want to be a friend
I want to matter
I want to be Someone who can be counted on
I want to be what they all saw in me
Because it's a choice
Giving up is a choice
Running is a choice
Lying is a choice
And we have to make these choices everyday
It takes commitment
It'll never be easy
And it may never feel right
But it's something I have to do
The pain doesn't ever go away
Trauma just kind of slides further and further to the back of your mind
One day it won't hurt so much
I choose to believe that
Whatever happens will happen
The people who I blamed were only catalysts
They were a totem for me to project all of my bullshit on
I'll still probably hate them for a very long time
But one of them gave me the best drunken advice I've ever received
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